Sunday, 21 March 2010
Well it's 2 months today since my mom passed away. As you can see I no longer have any hair, lost it a about a month ago now. The doc thinks it's a result of the stress on my body caused by the loss of my mom and the fact that I may have ovarian cancer. I go into hospital in two weeks time to determine if I have cancer and how far advanced it is. They located to large tumors after several scans and as they've been changing rapidly, the oncologist i've been seeing recommends we get them out asap. I of course have been very stubborn and have asked not to have the operation a few times, what can I say i'm stubborn, and it's really not been a great time for me to get it done. I lied to my mom and told her before she died that the tumors were benign, she needed to hear that it was ok for her to let go without worrying about me.
I think for me it was also important to not let anything stop her from leaving. She was exhausted and wanted to be with Dad. If i'd have told her what the oncologist said then she would have hung on for who knows how long, that would have been unfair. So I had to let her go even if it's hard now not having many family members left here for support. My mom's family are not speaking to me, obviously i'm still the black sheep LOL.
I am desperate for a little change in my life at the moment, i'm lost at the weekends, I miss my Stargate Atlantis fix, i'm guessing there isn't gonna be a movie. Hmmph no surprise there. I miss my friends from Gateworld, but don't feel I can go back now. I've changed they've changed, i've not even been to Mr M's blog for ages or challenged anyone's post. I've become a bore. I bet Mr M is relieved he doesn't have to listen to me go off on a tangent anymore LOL, at least he's kindly putting some old Atlantis pics up. Ah to reminisce.
Here's to the good old days.....