Subtle flirtations, dirty minds and the gutter!

Shep: Run Rodney! Peg is making us into Chia pets.

Rodney: I really hope she doesn't use lemon grass!

We were talking on the whump thread yesterday about 'Mr potatoe head...don't ask *shakes head*. The whumpers are very strange individuals...or so people tell us :o) So anyway we were saying that there are a variety of Mr Potatoe heads, including a Darth Vadar one. Intrigued regarding this concept I decided to do a 'Blue Peter' style version of Sheppard and McKay. For those that don't know what Blue Peter is, it is a kids TV programme in the UK whereby they make things out of everyday objects, like this: Dr Who's Tardis... you get the picture :o)

Following that, hilarity ensued and pictures relating to Sheppard and McKay being chia pets caused lots of giggling and a fab one liner by Pocus in response to McKay's allergy to lemons ;o)

That was just the start of things to come! I went and saw my mom in hospital today. Twelve months she's been in, and she has the hospital staff eating out the palm of her hand. I often wondered if I got my cheekiness from my mom or dad, but after today's little display, it's definately my mother. Because my mom is bed bound with little use of her hands, pretty much everyday is like groundhog day for her. So she likes to spice the days up by trying to get me married off! I walked into to her room today and she was talking to the neuro surgeon about how she was getting on. She sees me come into her room and her face lights up. Isn't that nice, I thought, my mom is happy to see me. Hmph, little did I know what her nefarious plan was. This is how the conversation went.

Mom: Hello love, you remember my doctor don't you? (I don't often see him unless he's on call)

Me: Hi mom, yes I remember him. (It's at this point I smile at the doc and say hello)

Mom: She's single at the moment. Are you single doctor?

Me: *mortified* Mom!

Mom: I'm just making conversation.

I look over at the Doc, who has turned probably the same shade of red that I have. He hurriedly makes a hasty retreat and I really don't balme him! She tells me, that I need to be a bit more flirtatious if I want to get myself a man... Thanks mom, i'll remember that in future.

After feeling suitably chastised for not being married yet, my mom preceeds to tell me her usually dirty jokes that the nurses tell her every morning. I'm no shrinking violet, but she's my mother and it's just so wrong on so many levels. Between my mother and the Air force pilots and technicians that I used to work with, it's no wonder my mind is so corrupted! So for those that want to know how I can twist every pure word into smut, there's your answer :o)

Not long after the Doctor leaves, I try and sort out my mom's room and notice a picture of a famous footballer on the side. I'm curious how she got this, considering she can't get out and about, so I ask her. She tells me that one of the nurses has a son who'se a famous footballer. That still didn't explain how got the picture and had it autographed personnally. So I ask her how she came to get this little gem, at which she advises that she was watching a football match and starting shouting at the ref's decision regarding penalties (because apparantly she knows more about football than the refs). One of the agency nurses wondered what the commotion was and came to investigate. The nurse (seeing the football game and her son playing) pointed this out to my mom. My mom cheekily asks for a photo of him and would she ask if he could sign it for her. I know i'm cheeky, but at least i'm subtle about it *picks halo off the floor* :o)

Before I head off for another day, I thought i'd let you know how my cat's getting on with her issues. Between you and me, I think she needs some serious counselling.. I wonder if there's such a thing as a shrink for pets? My little Bella has her own bed, complete with blanket and has begun dragging the blanket out of bed and taking it upstairs with her at night time, then first thing in the morning she brings it down with her. When she comes and sits with me, she drags this smelly thing around with her and tries to drag it up onto the sofa (it's 5 times the size she is). She is beginning to look like Linus from Charlie Brown...